The Biggest Gifts

Keeping up with blogging has not exactly been a strong suit of mine over the last... two years. Oops.
Alas, it is Christmas time and I have found myself at the kitchen table with a strong urge for a cup of tea and a blanket, and to not write the paper that I need to finish. I am, however, overwhelmed with this desire to share what is in my head with someone. And, as none of my roommates are currently home, this is my selected media.

This time of year there is nothing better than giving. I can't begin to explain how very full my heart feels to give to others, particularly people who do not have much...
And in the most beautiful way, I have been given this gift for the last three years - and this will be my fourth and final year to participate. At my school we give a yearly Christmas concert with every choir at school and our fabulous orchestra. Every year we are told to remember all of the ways that we are touching the lives of people that we don't even know. However, as this is my last year participating, I am forced to reflect on what this experience has given me and I am ... speechless. I have been given such an incredible gift.
To come together for a common purpose and know that you are giving of yourself in, arguably, one of the most beautiful ways a person can, is truly incredible. And even more amazing to accept the ways that we are lifted up by music. My heart has been pieced together by this experience and by this choir and it is with a heart full of love and gratitude that I will be performing in my second to last Christmas at Luther this evening. I have so much to be thankful for and know that despite the end of this particular chapter, new ones will be able to start as a result and the world will be a little more beautiful in the end.

Tonight when I walk on stage, I will look at each of the faces of the incredible, beautiful people that I am beyond privileged to sing with every day and that I am so lucky to call family, knowing that while we, as a choir, are temporary, we will have made an eternal impact.
I am sad that this is the end.
But my heart could not be more full.

"For happiness I long have sought and pleasure dearly I have bought. I've missed of all, but now I see, in Jesus Christ the Appletree."

Get Inspired

"These are the times when we aficionados of the gas stove know we are on the side of God." 

Having recently rediscovered my craving to cook, a fond memory of the movie Julie and Julia came back to me... as well as a strong desire to make something happen (in the kitchen).

Welcome to my Mid-Summer kitchen experiment.

La Pièce de Résistance:

Rhubarb Cupcakes.

YUM.

With Cream Cheese Frosting. Double YUM.

Tasty Confessions

1. Open-Faced Prosciutto and Plum Sandwiches...
And it's SO easy. Mix apricot preserves, lemon juice, and fresh ginger in a bowl. Toast a few pieces of Tuscan loaf (or good crusty bread); spread with goat cheese, top with prosciutto, thinly sliced plums, arugula, and drizzle with the preserves mixture. That's it! And it is HEAVEN.

...putting an end to the fallacy that GOOD cooking is hard...  

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2. Paella.
Hot Italian sausage, chicken, shrimp, red peppers, tomatoes, peas, onion, arborio rice, garlic, chicken stock, saffron, salt, pepper and some other stuff that I'm forgetting...
Snhoumm. Delicious.

--- Sorry I forgot to take pictures.

Culinary Episode 1: The Phantom Omelette

I don't work on Fridays. So... this morning I got up and enjoyed some time to myself. I cooked. Well, nothing too complicated. But, it was so worth it.

As promised, I took pictures of my epicurean endeavor and am posting just to share. 

(Maybe just a little bit to make you jealous.)

 Then I took my breakfast (and coffee) outside and ate it by the pool.

Not too shabby. 

Summer Resolutions

I have made many resolutions, some that I think I can keep and others that are just in my head as positive pressure. Pushing and encouraging me not to give up on myself. Some are just... whatever, and others I need to hold myself to.

I am going to start posting photos of all of the amazing, yummy foods and things that I make this summer. I think it's a great idea. This one you have to hold me to.

...I have found it increasingly challenging to be honest with myself, mostly because there are things in my life right now whose realities just can't be in my head. I hate it. But, I think as long as I am secretly honest to myself but overtly dishonest, I can make it work.

Can it just happen. Be real. Be what is supposed to be?

It's hard to want something that you can't have so badly...

Wishing

I'm beginning to wish that I had created an anonymous blog. I'd really like to say some things that could be detrimental and deleterious for a variety of reasons. That's all.

She's Come Undone

Those perfect bows, tied on every dress and skirt. In her wavy locks and around her dainty wrist. Pulled slowly, gently apart... becoming and unbecoming, realizing and existing as something they were, but something they were not.

When you reach that place where you know exactly what it is that you would rather be doing with your life than what you are doing in this very moment, you know it's time to rest...

J'ai etudie le francais... and I need some time. To think about other things.

About how it feels to have things unraveling between your fingers. Just when you think you have a hold on life.  It's like sand - solid, but so fine that holding onto it is practically impossible. It takes just the right balance of everything to make it happen.
If I were to ask you if you knew the feeling I meant when you realize that you have feelings for someone, but didn't know it until it was too late, and then when you interact with them and they say things that are just so... ambiguous and vague... that you can't help but wonder if it means something more, but ONLY because you just now started paying attention, would you know what I meant?

...And then you start questioning yourself; maybe if I had realized sooner things would be different, maybe they had feelings for me too and I'm too late...

Women think too much. That's me, a woman, that thinks waaaaayyy too much. Especially right now.

I also feel like some teeny-bopper (yes, I did just say teeny-bopper) complaining about boy problems and not sucking it up and dealing with it. But what am I supposed to do? When you are on the verge of exhaustion hoping that everything will just work itself out, wishing that damn guy would just like you back, hoping that he notices and cares about you like you notice and care about him. Geez, this sucks.

I just want to let it all go and take a breath. But at the same time I have this feeling in my stomach and just about everywhere else that this ONE person could make everything more worthwhile... DANG.

SUMMER in t-minus 14 hours. Maybe it will provide some well-needed space and time to think, or rather, to not think.

"...I thought about how love was always the thing that did that - smashed into you, left you raw. The deeper you loved, the deeper it hurt."